


Compartmentalized

by suallenparker



Series: Compartmentalized Universe [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: And also smut, Angst, Blow Job, Cockpit Sex, Desk Sex, Did I Mention Angst?, Dirty Talk, F/M, Fantasizing, Fingering, Masturbating, Missionary Position, Oral Sex, Shower Sex, Smut, always on top, and heart break, and my wonderful OTP being idiots that don't communicate directly, because there's so much angst, philinda hot stuff, shower, smut smut smut, with lots of Phil talking because of reasons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-26
Updated: 2014-07-14
Packaged: 2018-02-06 07:55:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1850335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suallenparker/pseuds/suallenparker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When their relationship crosses a line, both fight hard to keep things compartmentalized …</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In which Melinda is frustrated and takes a shower.

The bathroom is as beautiful as it was when they first got here, but by now Melinda hates it. She hates the elegant mosaic of stained glass and granite on the walls. She hates the big granite tiles on the heated floor and she hates red, fluffy towels that feel softer than silk against her skin. The only thing she can still tolerate is the oversized shower that takes up the end of the bathroom. It goes from wall to wall but doesn’t a wall or anything to divide it from the rest of the room. The floor tiles are different with a rough surface and there’s an elegant metal drain in the middle. The ceiling was covered with water nozzles.

Melinda takes off her leggings, her top and her sports-bra and her panties. She places them on one of the two elegant metal chairs she hates as well, before she walks into the shower.  Then she tips against the electronic panel that’s build into the left wall and starts the shower. Immediately, warm water pours down on her like some sort of heavenly rain. She brings up the temperature with another tip of her finger, then she steps right into the middle and closes her eyes.

This is good. Everything about her is tense, but this is good.

They’ve been staying in this Hotel for three days now. Three fucking days of pretending to be married to the man she loves while trying to extract information from some stupid obnoxious history professor who might or might not know where they could find another deadly 0-8-4 and who might or might not be working for Hydra.

She should be thinking about the threat they’re under. About the danger of their situation. About everything but how Phil’s ass looked in those tennis shots he wore while they pretended to loose a match against that professor and her husband, who also might or might not be Hydra.

But gosh, she wants him.

Now Phil is getting a drink with the husband, trying to bond. And she has some time to herself.

The water runs over her body and takes away some of the tension in her shoulders.

The last three nights she dreamed about him, how he’d touch her. How he’d kiss her. How he’d look at her while she’d ride him.

So very fucking inappropriate. They are friends. He wants her as a friend and only that and she needs to get a fucking grip on her libido.

Grinding her teeth, she bends her head and lets the water drop on her neck as she takes a deep breath.

Last night she dreamed he’d spoon behind her at night. She dreamed about his hands moving restlessly over her naked body until his right one settled between her legs. She dreamed about his mouth closing around her earlobe, his hard erection pressed against the swell of her ass, his hot breath against her throat.

She woke up with his hand on her hip above her covers. He had turned to her at night, but there was no agenda. She turned around and he was just sleeping. His face was relaxed, his breathing steady. And she got out of bed as quickly as possible before she would do something as stupid as kiss him awake. Instead she took a shower.

She lifts her head again and holds her face against the water. With both hands, she pulls her hair out of her face. This is her second shower today. And still she wants him.

Nothing helped. She worked out, she did Tai Chi and she concentrated on her breathing. And yet her fingers itch with desire to touch him. She wants to feel his skin. She wants him inside her, fucking her. She needs sex so bad! She needs release.

She runs her hands over her arms and her chest. She hisses when her hands touch her breasts.

Her whole body is on alert, her nipples are stiff, her pussy lips swollen. She’s wet. Maybe she could give herself release. She massages her breast with her left hand and moves her right down her stomach. She shivers under the touch. This is good.

She’s been wet and ready the whole day as if he would jump her at any moment. Her hand slips between her legs and she presses her palm up against her clitoris. He could be in the shower with her, he could – No.

Not him. She won’t use him like that. It’s bad enough she loves him. This is about release. About sex.

She runs two fingers through her folds and parts herself. Just a man. Her thumb brushes over her clit. Any man will do. Just someone with a hard cock. She leans against the wall and dips a finger inside her hot pussy. The mosaic feels rough against her skin, but she doesn’t care. She needs the support. This is good.

Yes, just some guy with broad shoulders and great ass. She’d run her hands over his six pack and watch him shiver with anticipation as she’d kneel in front of him. She’d free his erection from his trousers. He’d be aroused because of her. He’d want her. She pushes the finger inside of her again and again and licks her lips. She can taste the water. She wants to taste him. She’d kiss the tip of his cock and he’d groan her name. She’d stroke him with her left hand while she’d run her right hand up his stomach and chest until she could press it against his scar. Phil would bury his hands in her hair. He’d – No.

She bites her lips. Not Phil. Somebody else. She spreads her legs and pumps two fingers inside of her. Her left hand massages her breast. Thor. Thor’s dreamy. Thor makes for the perfect sexual fantasy. It’s normal to fantasize about sexy Gods, right? She could wrap herself around him and he could fuck her standing upright underneath this shower. His hands would cover her ass and he’d lift her just to let her sink down his hard cock again again as the water would pour down on them both.

This isn’t enough. Thor isn’t enough. She adds a third finger inside of her. She can’t get full enough. She can’t get deep enough. She gasps frustrated. She runs her left hand down her body to rub her clit. She moans. A little better.

In her mind Phil is now pounding into her while she sits on his desk in his office. Her legs would be spread wide for him and he’d tell her how beautiful she is as he’d thrust into her again and again. They’d kiss and she’d grab his ass to urge him deeper.

She can’t – Her fingers move faster. It has to be Phil. It has to. Even with Ward, she imagined Phil’s face when she came. She imagined his hands, his lips.

She adds pressure on her clitoris and moans. Yes, just like that. She’s close now.

Phil who’d lean down and lift her leg over his shoulder so he could lick her. Phil who’d kiss her, Phil who’d pull her into his lap so she could ride him in Lola. His hands on her breasts, her ass, inside her. His fingers thrusting inside of her.

Phi, Phil, Phil!

“Melinda …”

His voice breaks through her haze. She opens her eyes and there he is, standing in the open bathroom door, staring at her. She has to blink away the water again and again, but she can see him. He’s wearing his suit, but without the jacket. His tie is loose, his sleeves rolled up. He looks so damn sexy and she is still on the verge of an orgasm, her fingers buried inside of her and he is just fucking staring at her.

All she hears is the pouring water and her own heavy breathing.

Fuck.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Phil tries to save Melinda and is surprised.

He doesn't love her, he doesn't. He can't. She doesn't want him to. She doesn't want _him,_ not like this. Or so he thought. 

But now she stares at him, her eyes widened, her lips opened, her beautiful body wet and exposed to his gaze. She's blushing. Her right hand is still between her legs. And he wants her. He wants to go over to her and kiss her. He's jealous of her hands. He wants to be the one touching her. He wants to fuck her. His cock twitches inside his trousers. He's already half hard just from looking at her. Her chest is flushed. Now her left arm is crossed over her breasts.

He dreamed of this. He fantasized about this, but this is better. She wants him.

She's aroused because of him. She yelped his name before because she thought of him while she touched herself. And he thought she was in distress …

She swallows hard. “Phil, please …”

He wants her to say those words with her legs wrapped around his waist while he'd pound into her.

“You called me,” he says, his voice is husky. He picked the lock in an attempt to save her. Silly, really. But gosh, how she looks! The water runs down her body. He wants to touch her all over.

He's not in love but she desires him. His shirt gets wet. He hadn't even realized he was moving, but now he stands just an arm length away from her. His leather shoes get wet as well, he doesn't care. He's close enough to touch her now.

Her lips are open, she's panting. He wants to kiss her. He wants to leave her breathless.

His sleeve gets soaked when he reaches out his hand, but she flinches and he drops it to his side.

She closes her eyes and turns her head away from him. “Please,” she whispers.

He clenches his hand. He's hard. He wants her and she's so very close. “Tell me, you don't want me and I leave.”

Her head turns back and her eyes open. She blinks against the water. “Phil,” she whimpers.

It's enough for him. When he reaches out again, she allows him to pull her right hand from between her legs and lift it to his lips.. He takes her index finger into his mouth and sucks. He tastes the water. And her juices. It's not enough. He wants more. He wants to drink her in.

She pulls in a sharp breath. Her left arm drops to her side, exposing her breasts. She is so fucking beautiful. He licks all her fingers clean. He's greedy for more.

He pulls her to him and steps under the shower. The water has just the right temperature. His clothes soak through in split seconds, he feels water fill up his shoes, but he doesn't care. He wraps his arms around her waist and presses his erection against her hip. She gasps and he kisses her.

He's not slow. He's not tender. This can't be about love, he knows how she compartmentalizes things. He has to compartmentalize too. This is about sex. And gosh, he wants to fuck her so badly. He nibbles at her lips until she opens up for him and their tongues touch. He shivers. His clothes cling to his body, but he doesn't care because so does she. Her hands dig into his shoulders.

He breaks away and kisses her throat. His hands move over her back. He grabs her ass and she yelps.

“Tell me what you want,” he rasps against her skin. “Tell me what you want me to do.” He needs to know, so he can do it. He wants to please her even more than he wants to fuck her.

“You,” she hisses. Her words go right to his groin. Damn.

He really shouldn't love her. He moves his right hand between their bodies and slips a finger inside her. She screams his name and comes apart in his arms. He moves his finger inside of her. She's tight and hot and clenching round him. As she rides out her orgasm, he watches her face. Her head is rolled to the side, her eyes are tight shut and her mouth is open. He has never seen anything so beautiful. And he caused this. He caused her to come. He wants to do it again.

He shouldn't love her. He blinks against the pouring water and presses his lips together. She calms down and cradles his face. Her kiss isn't tender either. She moves her mouth over his restlessly, licking at him until he opens up. He pushes another finger inside her pussy and she gasps.

“What else?” he asks. “What else did I do to you?”

She rests her cheek against his. “Your clothes …” she mumbles. “Ruined …”

He has her naked in his arms, his fingers move inside her and she presses herself against him as if he's her only hold. He doesn't give a fuck about his clothes.

He nibbles on her ear, his left hand cups her ass. “Tell me,” he says. “What do you want?” He'll do everything.

“You inside me,” she whispers. “Right here. Your fingers aren't enough, I need …” She rubs her hips against him. His covered erection brushes against her thigh.

Yes. He pulls out his fingers, takes her hips and pushes her back against the wall. Yes. She lifts her left leg up his thigh, opening himself for him. He wants to fuck her right here. He wraps his arm around her waist and pulls her close while he presses his hips into her. His arm gets trapped between her and the mosaic tiles. The wall texture is rough and her skin is so soft. This won't work. If he'd fuck her here, he'd hurt her.

“Not like this,” he says.

“Please,” she whimpers and kisses him. “I need …”

He needs her too. He wishes he wouldn't love her. “The wall, it'll hurt you,” he gets out. He moves them both away. He needs to get her to somewhere soft now. He needs to be inside her now!

She kisses him again, before she breaks away and spins around until she faces the wall. Her ass rubs against his erection. She places her hands on the wall and turns her head so she can look at him over her shoulder.

“Like this,” she says. “Hurry.”

Suddenly he remembers something important. “Condom,” he growls. “Can't –“

“I'm … contraception,” she pants. “Clean. I need –“ she gasps and wiggles her ass. “Please!”

Oh gosh. He bites his lip to keep himself from coming inside his pants like a boy. He grabs her hips with his left hand to keep her from wiggling while he frees his cock from his pants with his right. She spreads her legs a little further and he guides his erection to her entrance. She's a glorious sight. Water runs over her ass, her pussy is exposed. They both groan when his cock touches her folds.

“Yes,” she hisses. Their gazes connect. He thrusts forward and inside of her.

“Yes!” she yelps. Her eyes widen. “Phil!”

Oh gosh. He loves her. He pulls out and does it again.

She groans and hangs her head. “Yes, like this. More!”

He grabs her hips with both hands and pounds into her. She's so hot and wet and tight. His eyes fall shut. He's so very close. She gasps and keens and moans. He could come from listening to her sounds alone.

When she comes again, she screams his name just as before and it's enough. He lets go and spills his seed inside of her.

They both need a while to collect themselves afterwards. She moans displeased when he finally pulls out of her and he turns her to him by her shoulders and kisses her. She sinks against him without hesitation. He really, really shouldn't love her.

She moves them around to one of the side walls and reaches out a hand over his shoulder. Then the water stops. Suddenly it's quiet. They're both breathing heavily. They're both dripping. She strokes away the water droplets from his face with both hands. He smiles and returns the favor. He buries a hand in her hair and kisses her again. Slowly. She breaks away and kisses his chin, his jaw, his throat just above the collar of his shirt. He reminds himself that for her it's just sex. They're friends. He can't turn it into something it's not, not without losing her.

“Let's get you out of your clothes,” she whispers against his skin. Her hands are already loosening his tie.

He loves her.

Fuck.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda frees Phil from his wet clothes.

She already knows she will get herself hurt. She knows, he loves somebody else. Of course she knows that. And she shouldn’t kiss him again. She shouldn’t have kissed him before and she definitely, _definitely_ shouldn’t have fucked him. But oh gosh, he was so very sexy. And he wanted her. She needs to stop this before she gives herself away. And she will. Really, she will let go of him. In just a bit. Right after she ran her hands all over his body. She barely touched him yet. And he got to touch her, so fair is fair.

They tear his clothes off in a hurry. For once, because she’s eager to touch his skin and secondly, because the dampened fabric feels good for him. They drop his clothes on the bathroom floor until they’re both naked. He pulls her against him and kisses her. Skin against skin. Their whole bodies touch. His hands roam over her back. Gosh, this is so good. She loves tasting him. She loves feeling him. She loves him so much.

He breaks away and smiles at her. Then he gets a towel and starts drying her. Her face first. Her shoulders, her breasts, her arms, her back. Damn him. She steadies herself with a hand on his shoulder as he kneels in front of her to dry her legs. She presses her eyes shut. Damn him.

This is so very unfair.

She wants to tell him she loves him. The words are already on the tip of her tongue. She needs to get a grip. She needs to keep her mouth shut. She already confessed too much to him today and every next word could blow this all apart.

He stands up and she grabs a towel to return the favor, but he takes it from her and quickly dries himself off, while she stares at his scar. She wants to kiss it. She wants to tell him how thankful she is that he’s alive. She wants to make him swear not to die before her again. She wants to tell him how much she loves him. She bites her lip.

Of course he notices and frowns. He covers the scar with his left hand.

He understands nothing. At least that’s something. She takes his hand away and kisses his palm, before she steps forward and kisses his scar.

“Please,” he whispers. She looks up to him and their gazes connect.

If she’d open her mouth now, she’d tell him, she loves him.

Instead she kisses his jaw, his throat. He groans and she smiles as she nibbles at his skin. Just sex. Just bodies connecting, nothing else.

“I’m sorry I startled you,” he mumbles and kisses her temple. “You were so beautiful.” His hands come to rest on the swell of her ass. “You are beautiful.”

He’s so sweet and gentle and kind and sexy. This is bad. He needs to shut up. She nibbles at his shoulder. If he doesn’t shut up she’ll start talking.

“What do you want to do now?” he asks.

Have sex again, tell him she loves him and start to plan a future with him. Damn, damn, damn. From all those things, she can have one. She nibs at his skin and rubs her hips against his. He hisses.

“Melinda …” His cock twitches and she grins. She can have him again. Just one more time.

She steps out of his embrace and takes his hand. He follows her to the bed and they stop in front of it. With one push she could have him lay on the bed. He’s staring at her, his arms a dropped to the side. She strokes his shoulders, his arms. He sighs and his eyes fall shut. She’d rather he’d grab her again. She’d rather he’d want her. She wants to know what he thinks. She wants to know if he thinks of her.

She leans forward and kisses his collar bone. His hands return to her hips. Better. She can’t make him love her, but she can remind him that right now, he’s with her. That at least right now, he’s hers.

He swallows. She licks his throat and runs her hands over his chest down to his stomach. She feels his muscles tense under her touch. He pulls in a sharp breath. She takes his already half erect cock in her right hand and moves her left one around to his ass. He’s got such a lovely ass. And such a beautiful cock. It twitches in her hand. She strokes him, once, twice.

He groans and she presses her mouth against his skin. She strokes him again just to feel the vibration of his groan against her lips. She feels him getting harder in her hand and smiles.

She lifts her left hand from his ass and pushes his shoulder backwards, just a little. It’s enough to make him sit on the bed.

“Melinda …” he gasps and squeezes her hips. His cock twitches in her hand. He’s so damn sexy. She’s hot and wet for him again.

She loves how he says her name. She nudges his legs apart and kneels between them. His hands glide up her sides until he rests his open palms on her shoulders.

“Melinda!” He’s panting and he’s staring at her. The only reflection in his eyes is her face. For now he’s hers.

She bends down and kisses the tip of his cock. He’s so hard now. She looks into his eyes as she takes him into her mouth. She does it slowly. His lips part and she wants to kiss him, but her mouth is currently busy.

“Melinda,” he moans. His right hand cups the back of her head, but he doesn’t apply any pressure. He doesn’t have to, she wants him like that. He tastes clean and fresh. He’s so hot.

He’s making the best noises. She loves how he stares at her. And he calls her name constantly. He’s definitely not thinking of Audrey now. For this moment, he’s hers alone. She knows he’s probably close. She wants to taste all of him. She cradles his balls with her left hand and continues to stroke his lower shaft with her right one as she sucks on him.

His hand grabs her hair, but instead of holding her close, he tries to pull her away.

“Gonna come,” he rasps.

She rolls her eyes and takes him deeper into her mouth.

Finally, he gets it. He screams her name as he comes. She swallows his seed. Salty. Delicious. She’s very pleased. She could make a habit out of this, of course she won’t. She has to let go now before it gets worse. But at least she has this.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda tries to keep to her word.

She tries to be good. She had him twice. She knows how he feels inside her, she knows how he tastes. That’s enough. It has to be enough. He’s panting, he’s so beautiful and she wants to crawl in bed with him and just touch and kiss until they’re both ready for a third time. She wants to ride him. She wants to kiss him with him inside her. They haven’t done that yet. But that would be greedy and she already took too much.

So she gets up and turns around to go back to the bathroom. She really wants to be good now and for that she needs distance.

He grabs her wrist. “I’m not done yet,” he says. He pulls her into his lap and she doesn’t resist, she just sinks into his arms with her legs sideways over his. At least she tried. He wraps his right arm around her and buries the hand in her hair before he kisses her. She knows he can taste himself on her tongue. And damn him, he’s tender. He’s gentle. He caresses her body with his left hand. His touch his gentle too. Damn him.

“I want you to lie down on the bed,” he whispers close to her lips. “I want to kiss you,” His hand glides from her shoulder to her neck. “here and” He massages her right breast. “here.” He strokes her nipple with his thumb and she pulls in a sharp breath. He sucks on her lower lip. Oh my gosh. Wetness pools between her legs again. His hand glides from her breast over her stomach and he presses his hand against her abdomen.

“I want to kiss you here,” he whispers. He moves his hand down and cups her sex. “I want to kiss you here.”

“Phil …” Her legs fall apart to make room for him. Oh Gosh. He kisses her and leaves her breathless.

He kisses the corner of her mouth, her jaw line. “And then,” He kisses the spot below her ear. “I want you to wrap your legs around my waist while I take you again.” He sucks on her earlobe.

“Will you let me do that?” he asks. His fingertips grace her folds. “Please, will you let me do that?”

“Yes.” Everything. Oh Gosh. She’ll let him do everything. She loves him.

Eventually she lays on the soft covers of the bed while he kneels next to her. He presses her hands into the pillows behind her head, their fingers are entwined. His lips glide over her throat and make her sigh. He kisses the dip between her collar bones and licks over it gently, before he moves on down her chest, to her left nipple. She keens when he takes it into his mouth and she can feels him smile around it. He sucks on it and her eyes roll back into her head. This feels so very good!

He lets go of her hands and strokes down her arms before he caresses her arms.

“You taste so sweet,” he mumbles against her skin. She loses track of time while he caresses her body. And she almost loses her mind when he settles between her legs and spreads her folds with his fingers before he licks her. And licks. And licks. Two fingers enter her and he pumps them into her. Oh Gosh, and his tongue! Pressure builds up inside her but she holds back. He promised her more and she wants it now.

She buries her hands in his hair and pulls him up to her to kiss him. She can’t get enough of his mouth, his taste. She feels his hard cock against her thigh and she wraps her left leg around his. He wants her legs wrapped around him while he takes her again. she wants him to take her now. She’s so hot for him. She needs him.

They both groan when he glides back into her. He stills inside her and she catches her breath. He looks at her, with his lower lip between his teeth. He seems so focused on her. And so sexy. She cradles his face with her right hand. He lets go of his lip and leans into her touch. Damn. She loves him so.

She swallows. “What is this?” she asks.

He sighs and closes his eyes. “Sex,” he mumbles. He bends down and kisses her throat. “Just sex. Just tonight, please …”

Of course. She knew that. Still, it hurts. She presses her eyes shut and bucks her hips up against him. Just sex. She can do that.

He pulls her legs up his waist and she wraps them around him. He’s pushing deeper inside her now. Yes, this is perfect! She caresses his back with both hands. She loves to feel the play of his muscles under her palms. She loves him. And he feels so damn good inside her.

His weight presses her into the mattress with every thrust. He’s kissing her. He’s everywhere around her. His weight, his movement, his scent, his taste. She should feel trapped. Usually she feels trapped like this. Exposed and vulnerable. But she doesn’t. It’s Phil and she feels safe. And in love. She’s so stupid. This is just sex. She’s usually so good at keeping it simple. She tightens her inner muscles around his cock and he groans against her throat.

He picks up pace. It feels so very good, but she needs him to come first. She needs to be in control. Just sex. He screams her name against her skin as he spills himself inside her. It makes her smile. At least he’s with her now. She’s grateful he has nobody else on his mind. How pathetic is that? Usually she has more pride. Then again, usually she doesn’t care.

He keeps pumping into her. She bites her cheek to keep herself from calling out his name when she comes as well.

Afterwards they lay next to each other, both panting. They’re not touching anymore. She feels empty. And she misses him. As soon as she feels strong enough, she gets up and takes another shower.

Ten minutes later she returns wearing her leggings and her top again. He sits on the edge of his side of the bed. His elbows rest on his thighs, he has his hands folded over his nape. He’s dressed in sweat pants and t-shirt. He looks so much more vulnerable than he did while he leaned above her, naked.

She wants to go over to him and kiss him until he smiles. She doubts that method would work. Just sex.

She feels sore. She crosses her arms in front of her chest.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

He lifts his head and gives her a side-looped smile. “Yes.”

She doesn’t believe him.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“Yes.” She doesn’t believe herself either.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Phil pushes her against a wall.

Fortunately at this very moment, Trip is probably invading the Professor's hotel room to retrieve the 0-8-4. He should be out in twenty more minutes. This mission will end tonight and they're fine. Three days later and they'e fine. They're normal. And he's grateful for that. He's grateful things aren't weird between them. She acts like it never happened, like they never had the hottest, most amazing sex of his life, like it didn't matter at all. He does so too, he knows it's what she wants.

Just a night of sex, nothing more. No strings. But it did happen. There so many strings between them, he can barely breathe. He knows how she tastes now. Her tongue, her skin, her juices. He knows how it feels like when her pussy clenches around his fingers, his cock. He knows how she looks like when she comes. And he loves it. He loves every memory of that night; how she pressed herself against him, how eager she was for him, how much she wanted him. She said she needed him. And when she took him into her mouth, oh my gosh. His cock twitches whenever he thinks about it and he thinks about it a lot. How soft her lips were, how she looked him in the eye as he spilled his seed into her mouth. It felt so intimate, so tender. How she had allowed him to kiss her. How she wrapped her legs around him the last time he was inside of her. How she walked away afterwards.

He always comes back to that. Clearly, she's much freer than he is, but she always was. And he always was stupid. He wishes he'd be a little further along the road to denial.

And he really shouldn't dance with her. But they're on another double date with the Professor and her husband and he had no choice. It's a ball, what else are they to do? Dancing with Melinda feels so natural. They move in harmony and he had always enjoyed dancing the waltz. The professor and her husband are dancing too. It beats talking to them by a long shot. Melinda must've thought the same, because she had asked him to dance. At least in that, he's innocent.

Melinda's left hand rests in his and her right hand is placed on his shoulder. He remembers how her hands had looked between her legs while she had touched herself with his name on her lips. He wants to ask her if she does that a lot, thinking of him while getting herself off. He swallows. This is so bad. His cock twitches. He has to stop this. This is the worst time to get turned on by her.

The fingers of his left hand are splayed over the small of her back. He can feel her spine. He wants to trace it with his tongue. She smells delicious tonight. Oranges and a hint of vanilla. He knows now that the scent comes from her body lotion. And he wants her. He navigates them over the dance floor in circles and she's smiling and he wants to kiss her. Just one kiss. And he'd like to tell her how beautiful she looks tonight in her black cocktail dress. The dress has a neck holder and exposes her shoulders. He wants to kiss them. This is bad.

He tries to think of Audrey. He loves Audrey. He really, really does. And she loves him back. She wants to be with him. And she's … not Melinda. He knows now that even if he gets the chance to finally tell Audrey he's still alive, even if she'd forgive him for that, he doesn't want to go back to her. Because he's crazy. He's a masochist, so much is clear.

Melinda leans into him and he feels her breath on his throat. If he'd turn his head, he could kiss her. In her heels she's almost as tall as he is. He wants to kiss her. He wants to tell her he loves her. She doesn't want to hear it and he can't allow himself to forget that. Her right hand glides to his nape. When her fingertips grace his skin above the collar, he pulls in a sharp breath. He should stop this and get them something to drink. He needs some distance soon before he'll be unable to let go. Before he'll do something as stupid as to kiss her.

“Trip is here,” Melinda says close to his ear.

He shivers. He twirls them around and he sees Trip too. He's standing at one of the gates to the big ball room in their hotel and he's carrying a bag. He nods at Phil when their gazes meet. The next time Phil turns them, Trip is gone. It's over. He really should let go of Melinda. Tomorrow they'll return to the Playground and there they won't even be pretend-married. He's not looking forward to that. He'll miss sharing a room with her. Then again, he misses her right now and she's right there in his arms. The music pauses and they stop.

“We should go,” she says. Of course she's right, they should pack. But he wants to hold her just a little bit longer. As soon as he'll let go, he won't be allowed to touch her like that. He wishes she'd look at him, but she looks over his shoulder. It's probably better like this. He's pretty sure he'd kiss her. He wants a good night kiss. He wants a kiss goodbye. He swallows hard when she lets go of him. While they walk back to their room, she doesn't look at him, but the backs of their hands graze against each other in the elevator.

He opens the door for her and she brushes his arm, before she switches on the lights. Gosh, he wants her. Just one more time. He can handle that. He'll let go afterwards, he promises. Just one more night. He has never undressed her, he has never traced her shoulder blades with his tongue, he has never held her in his sleep. Just once, please. After he closes the door he turns to find her standing just a step away from him.

Now she's looking at him. She's so beautiful. He clenches his hands. He wants to pull her against him. He wants to kiss her. He wants to throw her on the bed and fuck her. Damn. He's already half hard.

She holds his gaze as she reaches beneath her dress and pulls down her panties. As she drops the black lace to the floor, he digs his fingernails of his left hand into his palm. Oh gosh, she's stunning. He should ask what this means, but he pulls his lower lip between his teeth. He doesn't want to hear her answer. Just this night. Oh gosh, she wants him again, he can see it. One more night.

She tilts her head and licks her lips. His heart skips a beat. His heart almost stops when she takes his right hand with her left and guides it under her skirt. Her right hand comes to rest on his shoulder. She folds his palm over her pussy and he hisses. She's wet. Oh god. His eyes fall shut as he rubs her flesh, but he forces them open again. He wants to watch her. Her hand still covers his. He wishes he could watch their joined hands moving between her legs, but oh, her face. Her eyes are widened, her mouth is slightly open. She's mesmerizing. He dips his index finger inside her pussy and she keens. Her right hand squeezes his shoulder. He presses his palm against her clitoris and pumps his finger inside her. She gasps and her eyes flutter shut. Oh gosh, she's beautiful. And hot and wet and he wants her. Perfect. He could touch her like this for hours. He adds a second finger and pumps into her harder. He wants to watch her come. She's so fucking beautiful!

“Phil.” She opens her eyes, but her eyelids are heavy. Her voice is husky. “Now,” she says. She lets go of his hand and grabs the lapels of his dinner jacket. She pulls him towards her and finally, _finally_ she kisses him. Deep and messy and perfect. He loves her so much. He keeps pumping into her and she gasps against his mouth.

“Phil, please. Now.” Her hands move down his body and she cups his cock through his trousers.

Yes. Oh gosh, yes! He grabs her hip with his left hand and turns them, so he can press her against the wall next to the door. She pulls in a sharp breath. He kisses her, he can't resist. She tastes so sweet. He wants to kiss her for the rest of his life. And that exactly is their problem. He loves her so much. Just one more night. His fingers keep pumping into her, her hands fumble with his pants until she frees his hard cock from within. Her hot hands stroke him and he groans. Oh gosh, this woman!

“Melinda!”

“Now, Phil, now. Please!” She nibbles on his bottom lip. “I need you inside me now.”

She moans when he withdraws his fingers from her pussy. She lets go of his cock to grab his shoulders and he feels the same loss. He hurries to lift her skirt with both hands and take her by the hips. She jumps up and wraps her legs around him. She keens when his cock brushes against her wet folds and he presses his mouth against her throat. Oh, he loves her. He wants her. She's spread open for him. He holds her hips and bends his knees a little to adjust the angle before he pushes into her with one stroke. She hisses. Shit. He's too rough. Damn.

“Sorry, I-”

“Like that, Phil.” She squeezes his shoulders. “Hard, please, I need …”

Oh gosh. He's doomed. He thrusts into her again.

“Yes!” she keens. “Phil, yes!”

So he does it again. And again. And again. And again until they both fall apart. She comes with his name on her lips and he breathes hers against her throat.

But it isn't enough.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it feels like love until it doesn’t.

This feels too nice. It’s even worse than fucking him again. So much worse than seducing him. This doesn’t feel like just sex and she should get out right now. They have to pack, they need to get back. Their mission is over and there are a hundred things she could be doing right now, she should be doing right now, but instead she’s laying in his arms on their bed. This is so bad. They’re spooning, for heaven’s sake! And what’s worst, she loves it. Every moment of it.

She rubs his right arm that’s wrapped around her. He kisses her shoulder. Beneath her chin he’s holding her left hand, their fingers are entwined. Her head rests on his left elbow and her back leans against his chest. She feels his chest hair against her shoulders. The rougher texture of his scar.

After he slipped out of her and her feet touched the ground again, he kept kissing her against the wall. They undressed each other. Her dress fell to the floor within moments, it took her a little longer to get him out of his suit, but with his assistance, she managed. She loves undressing him. She loves taking off his tie and unbuttoning the tiny buttons on his shirt, she loves all of it. She could undress him every night. She loves him. When he lead her to the bed, she couldn’t resist.

“Just a minute,” he said. “Let me hold you for just a minute.”

That was five minutes ago.

Her ass nestles against his groin and she feels his cock. He’s soft now. From everything she did to him during this mission, from everything he did to her, this feels most intimate to her. She wants to turn around and curl herself around him. She wants to kiss him. She wants to tell him she loves him. It’s better they aren’t facing each other.

He kisses her shoulder again and nips on her throat. “I wanted to do this since I saw you in that dress,” he mumbles against her skin. She can feel his smile.

She lifts his right hand and kisses his knuckles. “Really?”

“No.” He squeezes her hand, before he pulls away to brush a stray of her hair away from her nape an to the side. “I wanted to do that since that night.” He kisses her nape just below the hairline and she smiles.

Oh gosh. She loves him.

He traces the knuckles of her spine with his tongue and she shivers. His hand caresses her upper arm, her side, her breast. He cups her breast and brushes his thumb over her nipple. She pulls in a sharp breath and wiggles her ass against him. She can feel him harden. Yes, oh yes! She wants him again.

He lets go of her breast and moves his flat palm over her abdomen and between her legs. She hisses. Yes!

“Do you think of me often when you touch yourself?” he asks.

“Phil …” Gosh, yes. A lot. Always. She tries not to, but nobody else will do. She loves him. She presses her lips together.

“Because I don’t mind, I mean, I …” He swallows hard. “You were so beautiful.” His hand cups her sex and he rubs her clitoris. She lifts her leg a little to make room for him. Her eyes fall shut. This feels so good!

He runs his fingers through her folds and spreads her wetness. “You _are_ so beautiful,” he whispers and kisses the dip of her shoulder. Oh gosh, his voice. Soft and tender and husky.

“Phil.” This is bad.

“Am I talking too much?” he asks and slips a finger inside of her.

She keens. Yes, he’s talking too much. And his voice is too tender and his touch is too soft and overall he’s just too good of a man. This is so bad. She wants him. She loves him. This is so very bad. If he’d be tougher, if he’d be rougher with her, this would be easier. His finger moves gently inside her and his thumb rubs her clit. Oh gosh. This doesn’t feel like sex, it feels like love and she can’t handle that. She just wants him too much. It takes all her willpower to pull his hand from between her legs and turn to face him.

His eyes are widened. He looks almost scared. She should get out. She should run. She loves him too much and this is irresponsible. But he’s naked and he’s hard for her and again, she can’t resist. She rolls him on his back and presses his hands into the mattress. He pulls in a sharp breath. His cock twitches.

“Please, I …” He licks his lips and stares at her mouth. “Melinda.”

Better. She feels in control.

“Like this,” she says and straddles him. She feels powerful and he looks at her like he wants to fuck her senseless. Just sex. So much better. She lets go of his hands, presses her left palm against his chest to keep him down and lines up his cock with her entrance. She sinks onto him slowly and he hisses. His eyes fall shut.

“Melinda,” he moans.

Oh yes, she’s in charge now. She rides him slowly, but then he opens his eyes and – Oh gosh, how he looks at her! He grabs her hips with both hands, but simply holds on to her. He’s not trying to dictate her pace, he’s just touching. He clenches his jaw. His gaze jumps between her spread legs and her face. She looks down too and watches his cock sink into her pussy and out again. He’s beautiful. They’re beautiful. Oh gosh. She speeds up and he gasps.

“Touch yourself,” he breathes out.

“Phil!” She drags her hands over his chest.

His fingers dig into her skin. “I can’t, I … “ he gasps, “Please, I want …”

Yes. Oh gosh, yes! She moves her right hand between her legs and rubs her clit. Her fingers graze his cock and he hisses. Oh yes, this feels so good! She tilts her hips and leans back on her legs a little. He groans. This is so very good. She rides him harder as she keeps massaging her clit. Her eyes flutter close, she can’t help it. His cock fills her so perfectly. He hits every right spot.

“Oh yes,” he moans. Oh gosh, his voice! Thick and husky. “You’re so beautiful,” he says, “you feel so good.”

It’s not her finger on her clitoris that pushes her over the edge, it’s his voice. It feels like love again and she gives in.

He just holds on to her and lets her take him. Oh gosh, that man! She rides him hard as waves of pleasure wash over her.

“Like that, love, yes …” he mumbles. “You’re so fucking beautiful.”

She forces her eyes open, she wants to see him. He’s watching her. He’s sweating and breathless and wonderful.

“Come,” she rasps. “Come inside me.”

“Melinda!” His eyes widen and she feels his seed fill her up. It gives her another kick.

Afterwards she sinks to his chest with her hands resting on his shoulders and he wraps his arms around her. They kiss. Slow, tender. It’s lovely. He’s still inside her, she feels him going limp and somehow that’s lovely, too.

He cradles her face and kisses her cheeks, her temples, her ears. Quick, light kisses. This is killing her. She loves him so much.

He leans his forehead against hers and strokes her hair. “I can’t go on like this,” he says quietly.

She can’t either, but she doubts their reasons are the same. His words feel like icy water. She sits up and he’s still inside her, damn it. She has no control at all.

“Please.” He sighs. His hands glide down her back to the swell of her ass. “I can’t, I love –“

 _Audrey_. She bites her lip. “I understand,” she mumbles. And he’s _still_ inside her.

He wants to sit up as well, but she presses her palms against his chest.

“Melinda, please …” His eyes are pleading with her and she can’t take it. She gets off him. she gets off the bed. She gets away.

“We need to pack,” she says as she picks up her panties.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he says quietly.

“You won’t.” She can’t look at him. “I’m your friend. It’s okay.”

“Please, Melinda …” He sighs. “Promise me.”

“I promise.” She slips into her panties. Her dress is next. She’d be more comfortable in pants and jacket. She feels like wearing amour, but her clothes are in the wardrobe behind him and she can’t be this naked anymore.

She’s so lost. She should’ve known. And the _kicker_ is, she did.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Phil has a relapse

He wants to get shit drunk and forget, but that’s not an option. So he keeps obsessing about her.

She doesn’t want his confession. He kept himself from finishing his sentence but still. She _understands_ , that’s what she said. He’s such a fool. She turned cold right after. He wants to believe it’s out of mercy, to make it easier on him to step away. To make it easier for him to let go. Because he loves her and she knows and she doesn’t want strings. Not with him, anyway. Not these kind of strings. He took off the ring and his finger still feels weird. Naked. Like something is missing. They’re back at the playground, he’s back in his room and she’s definitely missing here. If it’d be love, he’d have her in his bed tonight. Or stay over in hers. Any way, they’d be together. He wants to be with her. But it isn’t love, not for her.

Phil sits up in bed and switches on the lights. Sleep won’t come any way and if he’d get drunk he knows he’d end up at her door, begging. He will get up and he will make himself a cup of tea and he will be her friend. And that’s the very end of it. All this self pity is pathetic and it’s his own fault. Nobody can choose whom they love. He didn’t chose this. He’s sure she didn’t chose this either. It’s unfair, but it’s life. And he won’t be the jackass that makes her feel sorry for letting him touch her in the first place.

He should be grateful for the memories he made and leave it at that, and he will. He won’t run his hands over her bare arms again. He won’t pull her against her. He won’t kiss her. He won’t tell her how much he loves her. He just won’t. But oh gosh, he wants to. He wants to taste her again. He wants to hear her moan, he wants to watch her come because of what he’d do to her. He wants –

No. It’s over. He can’t just be her fuck buddy. Gritting his teeth, he gets up and walks out his room towards the kitchen in just sweat pants and a shirt, his feet are bare. He walks by her room and speeds up. No need to tempt himself further. He loves her. He wants to marry her. Oh gosh, he’s so terribly screwed. He wants to _marry_ her. As soon as he thinks it, he knows it’s true. Damn, damn, damn. He wants it all. He loves her so much. And she … He means a lot to her, whatever that means. He supposes they’re friends. No, he knows they’re friends. She’s his best friend. And he’ll be hers. End of discussion. Now he will make himself a cup of tea and think about something else than the taste of her sweat, when he licks it of her throat. And he really shouldn’t think about how her hands grabbed his ass while he took her against the hotel room wall. So he will stop that too.

He comes to the kitchen door and stops dead in his tracks. She’s just there, leaning against the kitchen counter. Like he, she’s bare feet and dressed in leggings and a tank top. Her hair is up in a pony tail. Her face gets illuminated by the fridge next to her. It has a see through glass door just like the one on the bus. Phil isn’t sure why all the SHIELD refrigerators are see through, but it doesn’t matter. She’s just – He clenches his hands. She’s eating a yoghurt. So far she hasn’t noticed him. Her eyes are closed. The way she licks the spoon clean makes his cock twitch.

He wants to kiss her. He wonders if he’d taste the yoghurt on her tongue. He wants to lick her throat. He wants to hoist her up on the counter and slowly drag her leggings down her legs. He wants to taste her again, he knows she tastes better. He wants her to moan his name. He wants her hands on his shoulders and her legs wrapped around his waist. He wants to fuck her.

Fuck.

He should turn around and leave right now.

She opens her eyes and freezes, the spoon still in her mouth. Oh gosh, he wants her so bad. He’s so screwed. He swallows hard.

“I want tea,” he says, like the idiot he is.

Fuck.

She puts the spoon in the little yoghurt cup and puts both on the counter behind her. There’s a drop of yoghurt on her lower lip and oh gosh, he wants to lick it away. And then he wants to kiss her, slow, deep until she melts into him. His feet carry him to her and she doesn’t run. Her hands grab the edge of the counter.

It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t love him. He just wants her. He needs her. He’ll do anything.

He’s just an arm’s lengths away from her. He could touch her. He could lean forward and kiss her. He wants to kiss her so badly. His gaze jumps from her eyes to her lips and back. She swallows and he wants to kiss her throat. He wants to cup her nape, hold her to him and lick over her throat.

And through all this, she’s just watching him, calm and unmoved. But the knuckles of her fingers are white, he can see the tension in her arm muscles, her shoulders. He wonders if her hands are clenched, because she wants to touch him too. Oh gosh, he hopes so. His fingernails dig into his palms so deep, it hurts.

“Please, I want …” His voice was raspy. He licks his lips. “Can I kiss you?” he asked and swallowed. “Please let me kiss you, just once, I –“

Then her hands are in his hair and her mouth moves over his. Oh gosh, yes. Yes! She nibbles on his bottom lip and he sighs. He groans when her tongue slips into his mouth. Strawberry. She had strawberry yoghurt. Still, he prefers her taste. He grabs her hips. Just to touch her, nothing more. But she sinks against him and it’s lovely. Her hands glide from his head to his nape and shoulders. He missed her so much. He strokes her sides, her back. They returned this morning and he had missed her so much. She presses her hips against his growing erection and he deepens their kiss. Oh gosh, he loves her. And he can’t stop this. As long as she gives him that, he’ll take it. He just loves her so much.

She breaks away, her flat palms pressed against his chest and his hands glide down to her hips again. They stare at each other and she isn’t stepping away. Her lips are red and swollen from his kisses and she’s panting. Her eyes are widened. Damn, she’s so very sexy.

“More,” he breathes, “please more.”

And thank heavens, she kisses him again.

“Yes,” she whispers against his mouth and lifts her leg up his thigh. “More …”

Everything. He’ll give her everything. He groans and moves them until she’s pressed against the counter again. He lifts her up on the counter and steps between her spread legs. And they kiss. He rubs her thighs, her sides, her back and they kiss. She moves her hands down his body and slips them under his shirt and up his chest and they kiss. It’s perfect. He could make out with her like that for hours.

He groans, when she slips her right hand between their bodies and cups his cock. He’s stone hard and ready and her hand is so hot and soft and just utterly perfect, he has to bite his lip to keep himself from coming.

“Melinda!” he hisses.

“Yes.” She smiles and rubs him through the fabric. Oh gosh. She nibbles on his bottom lip. Her tongue soothes his bite. “Yes,” she repeats. “More.”

Together they free her from her leggings and panties. He runs a finger over her pussy and she’s so wet for him. She keens and he kisses her. He groans when she frees his cock from his sweatpants. Then he’s standing between her spread legs again, this time there’s no fabric seperating them. She strokes him gently and hooks her right leg over his hip. He hold up her thigh and caresses her ass with his other hand. He’s so close. His tip is grazing her folds. He knows she has him perfectly lined up to sink into her. And she wants him.

But he has to ask. “What is this, Melinda?” It’s hard for him to hold his eyes open when she touches him like this, but he wants an answer. “What are we doing?”

“Do you want to stop?” she asks back. She places both hands on his shoulders.

“No. Gosh, no. I …” He wants this to be love. He wants a relationship. He wants the sex and he wants to have breakfast with her after, or dinner, or lunch, or whatever. He wants to sleep next to her. He wants to hold her hand when they just walk next to each other. He wants all of it. He wants to marry her. He really, really wants that. He can’t ask that of her. He bites his lip. “No.” He doesn’t want to stop. If all he can have is this and her friendship, he’ll take it. He’ll settle. He needs her too much. He loves her too much.

She swallows hard. “But if it’s a problem –”

“We end it,” he says. It’s a problem already, but he won’t tell her any of that. He should walk away. Instead he pushes into her. Her eyes widen and she gasps. As he slowly pumps into her, she cradles his face. Her fingers trace his cheeks, the lines around his mouth. It almost feels like love. He kisses her to keep himself from talking.

Her legs wrap around his waist and he cups her ass with both hands to hold her to him while he thrusts into her harder and harder. She turns away from his mouth and gasps and keens. He loves the sounds she makes. He loves how she holds on to him. He buries his face in the dip of her neck and kisses her skin. He waits until she screams and her inner walls clench around his cock before he lets go to, his open mouth pressed against her throat to keep himself from talking.

This is the only beginning he can get with her and he’ll take it. Being her fuck buddy, it is. He can figure out the rest once she’ll be done with him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda shuts him up.

Fuck buddies it is. He always satisfies her in that area. Whenever he touches her, her skin’s on fire. And he can kiss! Oh gosh, that man can kiss. And fuck. She loves having him inside her. How he moves, how he fills her up. From the first time when he took her from behind in the shower to their last time in the kitchen of the playground, she always loved having him this close. Then again, she loves all of him, which of course is a problem and they should stop, but she won’t. She can’t. Not as long as he lets her touch him.

The last weeks proved that she doesn’t have much restraint when it comes to Phil Coulson, not when he’s so very willing. The last night of their operation, when they danced with each other he had been staring at her all evening. At her lips, her shoulders in that dress, her legs. She usually doesn’t enjoy wearing dresses, they’re too impractical for the tasks she has to do, but she will definitely keep that dress. As soon as she wore it, he had been unable to keep his eyes off her. Which made it ridiculously hard to keep her hands off him. Impossible, even. And that night was fantastic. Until he stopped it.

She has no idea what changed his mind the night after, when he came to her in the kitchen, but it doesn’t really matter. He wanted her again. And afterwards he didn’t end it. It’s not a problem for him anymore. Not yet. She hopes for a few more months. Just a little more time.

They haven’t slept with each other since then, but they’re fine. That was six days ago, but really, they’re fine. Busy saving the world but fine. She misses kissing him, she misses having him inside her, but they’re fine. She’s fine. Just fine. Really, she is. Completely fine.

Melinda checks the stats of her flight and adjusts a few buttons. The bus is flying steadily through the air and the weather is perfect. Sunny with barely any wind. The mission they completed was successful. They captured another fugitive and they just dropped her off at the fridge. Kate Baron will no longer burn through bank safes or burn people to crisps with her touch and that was a good feeling.

Maybe he had enough of “just sex”. He isn’t really the kind for causal sex. She is. Not with him, but still. Maybe he wants her to take the hint. He barely touched her since they had sex in the kitchen of the playground. She wonders if he’d come to her tonight. She wants him to. She wants him to deliberately come to her just to be with her. And then she wants to kiss him and undress him and just keep him in her bed until the morning comes. She’d like to sleep in his arms just once. She wonders if he’d come to her to tell her it’s a problem.

The door swooshes open behind her and Phil enters and her heart skips a beat. She’s so needy it’s pathetic. Definitely a problem. But she won’t tell him.

“I like it here, it’s quiet here,” he says and sits down behind her.

The corners of her mouth twitch, but she fights the smile down. He isn’t avoiding her. She’s sure he’s here to ramble on about something silly. She loves when he does that. She loves him. And he’s here with her. This is normal. They’re fine. She isn’t a problem yet. She wishes the bus would have a back mirror like the ones in cars, so she could glance at him. Of course she could just turn around but she has a bus to fly – that basically flies itself, but she needs to take it slow and she isn’t sure if she can keep herself from kissing him, if she does.

"Outside Simmons and Skye have a shouting match about who’s cuter,” he says, “Stark or Thor.”

“Thor.” She doesn’t miss a beat.

“Simmons thinks so too. I can’t see it.” She hears the humor in his voice. Gosh, she loves him. “Skye thinks both are hot,” he adds. “I think that’s too much information for me to have but anyway, if that’s the case, then why are they arguing?” He sighs gain. “Why is nobody considering Captain America?”

That really seems to bother him. She grins. “He’s all yours.” His little crush is adorable. She glances back at him and he’s smiling too. This is lovely. She missed this. She missed her friend. She looks back at the blue sky because she wants to kiss him. She grabs the steering knob a little tighter. She wants to touch him too.

“I really miss my vintage cards.” He sighs heavily and she knows his pain is real. Poor darling! She wants to pepper his face with kisses. Bad, bad, bad idea. Or maybe not. They have an arrangement now, maybe she could just set the bus on auto pilot and kiss him. And straddle him and fuck him on the two seater he’s sitting on. She wants to ride him again. She’d start slow first and indulge in the feeling of having him inside her while he could suck on her breasts and …

“When do you think we can tell him I’m alive?” he asks. For a moment she’s disorientated. “Because I’d really like to ask him for an autograph,” he continues and it clicks.

She’s having a sex fantasy and he fantasizes about Captain America. Perfect. She crinkles her nose.

“Am I talking too much?” he asks and sighs again. “I’m talking too much. I’ll be quiet now.”

His silence doesn’t even last a minute, “Do you really think Thor’s dreamy?”

She turns her head and gives him a smile.

He swallows. “Some people think me handsome, you know?” He sounds a little insecure and it’s just adorable. She wants to kiss him badly.

He’s more than handsome right now. He’s bending forward with his elbows resting on his thighs, his hands are folded together. He looks at her with his head tilted to the side. He rolls his lips against each other and stares at her mouth.

“I really want to kiss you.” His voice is soft now. “You think we could kiss when we’re back home?”

Oh gosh. She won’t be able to wait that long. She swallows hard. “Lock the door, Phil.”

She turns around and flicks some switches and presses a few buttons. Autopilot is a wonderful invention. She gets up and turns to him. He leans back on his seat and looks up to her with widened eyes. “Do you want me to leave?”

Oh no. She shakes her head. If there aren’t any complications, they’ll have two hours before she needs to prepare for the landing. And she won’t waste a minute of it.

When she unzips her jacket, he swallows. “Oh,” he breathes out. He might be as speechless as Phil Coulson could possibly be.

She slips out of the sleeves and drops the jacket on the pilot chair she sat on moments before while he stares at her, his mouth open.“Phil, the door,” she reminds him.

Finally, he moves! “Wait,” he says and turns around quickly to do as he’s told. “I want to watch, just let me …” An excellent idea. She’s already wet for him. Oh gosh, she missed him so much! His hands tremble and it’s a struggle, but then the door is locked. She has enough time to slip out of her shoes before he faces her again.

When their gazes connect, she pulls her tank top over hear head.

He gasps. “Oh gosh, Melinda.” He loosens his tie.

“Watch,” she says quietly, before she reaches behind to unclasp her bra. She slips out of the straps first, before she peels the cups from her breasts. His eyes widen and he licks his lips. She wants to feel his mouth on her again, but not yet.

He grabs his knees with both hands. She can see his knuckles whiten. In his eyes, she can see only her reflection. He’s hers now. She loves how he watches her, how he holds his breath when she opens her pants and how he gasps when she rolls them down her legs before she steps out of them.

“Oh gosh, Melinda!”

Yes, her name. She loves when he says it, especially in situations like this. She’s thinking of nobody else but him right now. She’s relieved it’s the same for him. His gaze fixates on her black panties; cotton standard cut, but the way he looks at her she feels like she’s wearing La Perla. He’s panting now and so very hard. She wants to take his cock out and stroke him, feel his thickness in her hand. She’s so wet for him, so very ready. She slips out of her panties.

“Melinda,” he hisses, “Oh gosh, please, please …”

Yes. She closes the gab between them and he leans back to look in her face. His hands touch her, just touch. He caresses her thighs, her hips, her ass. She wants him badly. Six damn days … She needs him. With her left hand on his shoulder and her right hand pressed against his chest, she straddles him, spreading herself in front of him, for him. He’s staring and she’s dripping wet. He’s still fully clothed. She glides her right hand down over his stomach and fumbles with his trousers. Her hand is shaking too, but she’s determinant and she manages to pull his cock out.

He hisses and she bites her lower lip as she lines his cock up with her entrance. When she sinks onto the tip of his cock, his eyes fall shut and he groans her name. His hands tighten their grip on her waist but he makes no effort to control her movement. He feels so very good inside her! Slowly, slowly, she takes him inside of her. Yes, that’s it. He’s filling her up. His head lolls back against the wall and he moans. Utterly perfect. She lifts herself up and sinks down on him again while she leans forward to attack his throat. With her hips tilted like this, his pubic bone rubs against her clit and she gasps against his skin, before she does it again and again and again. She loses herself in the feeling of him, rides him hard and fast until she falls apart. And he just takes it. He’s panting and groaning and moaning her name and there’s some begging too, but he takes it.

When she comes down from her high, he kisses her. Sweet, tender. She loves his taste. He’s still hard inside her. She loves that too. She’s ready for more, she’s still hungry for him.

“I missed you,” he mumbles against her lips. His hands massage her ass. “I know we saw each other everyday but I missed touching you.” Another kiss. “I missed this.”

“I missed you, too.” More than he could possibly know. She should stop this right now, but he’s inside her and he’s hard and hot and she feels full. She’ll settle for whatever this is. She wants to feel him come inside her. Once he can finally tell Audrey he’s alive, once he’ll leave her behind for the woman he really wants, she’ll deal with her heartbreak. Right now the pain’s too sweet to stop. She kisses him deep and rotates her hips. “Now fuck me.”

“Oh gosh!” He bucks up against her and she gasps.

“Yes!” she keens. He grabs her ass and holds her to him while he pumps up inside her. It’s perfect. She’s pressed against him, her breasts rub against his chest hair with every thrust. Oh gosh, yes! She wraps her arms tightly around his neck and holds on to him.

“Melinda!” he gasps and spills his seed inside her.

She kisses him then, tastes her name on his lips. He’s hers for the moment. She knows she’ll never have more of him, just fragments and glances and stolen moments. She wishes she wouldn’t be this broken. She wishes she could smile more easily and love more openly and less filled with rage. She wishes she could be like Audrey, kind and warm and vulnerable. She wishes she could be someone he could still safe, but she’s beyond that. The things she had to do … She’s getting over it and she feels like she’s healing a little, but still she is who she is now. And she let go of the person she could’ve been before Bahrain just like he told her too. Just like he had let go of her as well.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Melinda bends over a desk

He’s avoiding her and it hurts, but that was to be expected. She just hoped they’d have more time. After the sex in the cockpit, it felt like they could continue like this for a little longer. He said he missed her … After they returned to the playground her next mission was already lined up for her. Invading a German Embassy to retrieve some old files about the beginnings of Hydra, nothing big. She and Trip handled it just fine. They were gone for two days and returned this morning. Phil nodded at them both and since then she can’t get a hold of him, which is stupid, because they should be looking through the files together and … she just misses him. And she’s scared. A problem is the last thing she wants to be to him.

It’s after midnight when she finds him in his office, leaning over the Hydra files. She can see him from standing in the doorway. Darkness covers her, she doesn’t mind. Watching him has it’s pleasures. His tie’s loosened and his sleeves are rolled up and his jacket rests on one of the chairs in front of his desk. His head rests on his left hand, his elbow is crocked up on the table. The desk lamp tints him in warm, yellow light. He looks tired. She wants to go to him and take the files away. She wants to take him by the hand, kiss his forehead and tell him to let it be for tonight. She wants to guide him to her bed. She wants it to be not over yet. She gulps and he lifts his head. His eyes widen and he straightens up. Both his hands come to rest on the desk. And he stays quiet, just stares at her. He feels further away than just a moment before.

She unclenches her jaw. “Is it a problem yet?” she asks.

“I just …” He shrugs. What should she do with an answer like that?

She looks at her feet. “I came back this morning.”

“I know.”

Now she seeks his gaze. “You could’ve told me instead of avoiding me.” That, she deserves. She needs to hear him say it so it’s real. She still has hope. She misses him.

He rubs his forehead. “Do you want to end things?” he asks.

She doesn’t want to end anything. She wants to start more. Start having breakfast, start sleeping in the same bed, start saying I love you. Then again, she’s not the one hiding away. “I don’t want to lose you,” she says. She wouldn’t survive it. She loves him so much, but more, she needs him. He’s her bright spot, he’s her anchor. He’s her reason to fight. Without him she’d give up.

He blinks and pulls in a sharp breath. When he stands up, she lifts her chin. The wheels of his office chair squeak as he pushes it backwards.

“Come here,” he says and reaches out his hand. She obeys, but really, she just stops holding herself back. She wants to walk up to him since she found him. She takes his hand and he guides her around his desk until she’s standing in front of him. He lets go of her hand and she drops it to her side. He caresses her lower arms through her SHIELD jacket.

“Do you have any idea what you do to me?” he asks and shakes his head. Then he produces a sound that’s half between laughter and sigh. “Obviously not …”

Before she can ask for specifics, he kisses her and she no longer cares. His mouth moves over hers, his tongue makes her open up to him and she tastes coffee and him. Oh gosh, she missed him so very much. His hands glide to her upper arms and he squeezes as he deepens their kiss. She reaches up to touch him, but he steps away.

“I want you so much,” he says and takes her by the shoulders. He kisses her neck. With a sigh, she tilts her head. Slowly, he turns her around and steps behind her. He strokes her arms, her shoulders. His lips close around her right earlobe and she keens.

“See that mess?” he asks and nuzzles her neck. He means his desk. His left hand splays over her abdomen and pushes until she leans against his chest. “I should be working through these and prepare our next mission but all I can think about is you,” he adds, “about how you smell.” He pulls her hair to the side and kisses her neck. “How you taste.” He licks her skin and she shivers.

Wetness pools between her legs. Oh, she wants him. She feels his cock harden against her ass. He moves his right hand forward as well and cups her breasts with both hands, massaging them through the fabric. She wants to feel him against her skin. Oh gosh, she wants him badly. Her arms hang on her body like dead weight. Usually she’s so agile, but now she feels like she’s moving through syrup. She turns her palms and touches his thighs.

“Did you miss me?” he asks softly. “Did you miss how I touch you?”

Oh yes, his hands, his mouth, his body, his cock. She wants him to fill her up. She manages to nod, her mind no longer able to form words. She just plain wants him. She feels empty.

“Take off your jacket,” he whispers, his breath feels hot against her ear.

Oh gosh. She swallows hard and tries to turn, but he presses her closer against him.

“Like this,” he rasps. “Let me have this. Let me have you.”

Yes, she’s his. She’ll do anything. His voice is killing her! He kisses her cheek, her throat, her jaw below her ear. Oh gosh. She unzips her jacket quickly. He helps her out of it and she drops it. She wants to be naked with him.

“You feel so soft and strong at the same time.” His hands caress her now bare arms and he hums. “I can never get enough of touching you, of kissing you.”

Never enough of her. What a lovely idea. She’s his until revises that statement. She wants him always.

“Wanna know why I’ve been avoiding you?” He nibs on her earlobe. “I sat here all day trying not to think of you and all I wanted was to have you right here, like this, so I could bend you over my desk and take you.” He grabs her hips and rubs himself against her. Oh gosh, she wants this. Yes, yes, she wants it. She presses back into him.

“Open your pants, Melinda.”

“Phil!” she gasps. Oh, gosh, his voice! She should’ve called him while on her mission. Phone sex with this man would sure be fantastic. This is breathtakingly good. He could make her come with only his words. She’s close already.

“Do you want to stop?” he asks. He sneaks his hands under her tank top and glides them over her bare stomach. Her muscles tense immediately and she hisses.

“No.” She swallows and again, she obeys. He pulls his hands out from under her shirt and grabs her hips. He pulls her ass against him and she gasps.

“Bend over, love.” He’s smiling, she knows, she can hear it in his voice. “Let me have you. Right here.”

She struggles to push down her pants and he scrapes her shoulder with his teeth.

“No.” he says softly and kisses the spot. “Just lean over, let me do this.”

Not like this. she grabs the files that are spread over the desk and places them to her left, so she’ll have a clear space to lean on.

He chuckles. “You’re amazing, you know that?”

The files are important and she’s a professional. But she gladly takes amazing too. She bends over the desk and leans on her elbows, sticking out her ass so it presses harder against his cock.

He groans. “Gosh, you feel so good.”

He feels fucking fantastic! She’s so damn hot for him. Oh gosh, he’s killing her! He runs his hands over her sides, her back, her ass, before he leans over her and bundles her hair with both hands and drops it to her left side, before he places an open mouth kiss on her nape.

“Hold still,” he mumbles against her skin. She shivers. Then he takes a step back and slowly pulls her pants and her panties over her ass and down to her knees. She knows, her pussy is totally exposed now. She’s so fucking wet. She’s so fucking ready. Why isn’t he pounding into her yet?

“Phil …” she pleads. She needs him now!

He caresses her bare ass. “You look so sexy right now. I love your ass. I loved fucking you from behind in that shower. Do you think about that night sometimes? About how I fucked you? How I made you come?”

Yes. And she wants that again. She needs him again. She tilts her hips to push her ass into his hands.

“Phil, please …”

He slips his right hand between her legs and cups her sex.

“Gosh, you’re so wet and hot and slick.” He rubs her. “Do you like this? Do you like being touched by me? Do you want me to fuck you?”

Yes. “Please …”

He takes his hand away and she groans. Something rustles behind her.

“Phil, what …?” He’s sitting down, she realizes. Then he’s spreading her open and his tongue is just there, licking over her folds.

“Phil!” Her eyes roll to the back of her head. Oh gosh, this is so very good. He licks her again.

“Gosh, how you taste!” She feels his hot breath on her pussy. “I could do that all day, just sit here and eat you out and be perfectly content.”

She’d let him. Her hands grab the edge of the desk. He’s so fucking good! She keens when he licks over her again.

“I love those sounds you make in the back of your throat.”

She moans.

“Yes, like that.” He’s grinning. “You’re close, aren’t you?”

“Please, oh gosh …”

“Yes, love. Come for me, let go.”

“Phil!”

“You’re so tight and hot, I love -” He sucks on her clit and she falls apart. He keeps licking and sucking until she can breathe again.

“I wish I could see your face,” he says. His hands massage her ass. ”You’re so beautiful when you come. Next time I will spread you on my desk and settle between your legs. Next time I want you naked. Will you let me do that? Can we do that, Melinda?”

“Yes, Phil …”

“I’m so fucking hard for you. I want to be inside you so much. I want to fuck you.”

“Please, Phil, please …”

“Please, what?”

“Fuck me.”

“Hold still.”

Oh gosh. It feels like forever when he gets up from behind her. She hears how his pants unzip, then his left hand cups her ass again. The hot tip of his cock brushes against her folds and that alone is almost enough to make her come again. The fabric of his pants brush against her bare thighs. Next time she’ll have him naked, she swears to herself. Now she needs him to fill her up.

“Fuck me,” she repeats.

“Melinda!” He grabs her hips and thrusts into her. Hard, fast, deep. Just like she needs him. Oh gosh, exactly how she needs him. He thrusts into her twice more, before she comes again. It doesn’t take him much longer. He calls her name when he comes, it makes her happy.

Afterwards, they both adjust their clothes. Suddenly it’s awkward. She doesn’t want to get dressed. She wants to get naked and nestle up against him somewhere warm and soft, preferably with pillows and blankets. She knows she’ll return to her room alone though.

Eventually they stand across from each other again. She should leave, but she isn’t ready.

Phil frowns. “What about condoms, so far we haven’t and I -” He takes a breath and touches her arm. “I want you to be protected, I should’ve brought this up sooner, I -”

“This is exclusive,” she cuts in. “I need …” She needs him to love her. That’s not a demand she can make. Gosh, he’s so sweet and wonderful and his throat is glistening with sweat that she longs to lick away. Melinda presses her lips together and looks away. “When there’s someone else for you …” She glances at him. “I want us to be exclusive.” She swallows hard. At least that he has to give her. She knows they probably are anyway, because he isn’t the type but she wants at least one string to hold him to.

“Okay,” he says.

“I have condoms in my nightstand, we could use … but we don’t…”

“Because we’re exclusive?”

Her heart jumps. “Yes.”

“Okay.” He smiles and it’s too much. She pulls him close and kisses him, gentle, quick. She pushes him away and turns around. Time to leave before she does something stupid.

“Get some rest,” she tells him and walks out the door without a look back.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Phil draws hope

It’s like he’s playing a game of chicken with himself, but instead of running at something he’s running from Melinda May. He’s not good at it, though. And they have strings now, well, one string. They’re exclusive and it was her call. She brought it up. She wants to be exclusive. With him. He still smiles when he thinks about it. His standards have lowered, but gosh, that’s at least something. They’re exclusive now. And that’s why he’s pacing up and down the floor in front of her room. He probably shouldn’t push it, that’s why he hasn’t knocked yet.

It’s probably too late anyway. After midnight. She’s probably asleep, he knows she’ll get up in less than five hours. And he should get some rest, too. But they didn’t have much time for each other today and they weren’t alone for even a minute and ever since she kissed him good night and left him behind in his office last night, he wants to kiss her.

He wanted to kiss her good morning, but when he came to the training room, Skye was already there as well. And as much as he loves this new string they have, he’s pretty sure she’ll kill him if he’d kiss her in front of somebody else. So he left before the two women could notice him. He wanted to kiss her at lunch when they met in the kitchen, but Simmons wouldn’t stop talking to him much less leave them alone. And he wanted to kiss her this evening but Trip asked Melinda to teach him one of her moves and just. - The Playground is much too crowded for his taste.

Phil sighed and turned on his heel at the end of the floor to walk back. He should just leave and try again tomorrow. When he approaches her door, his eyes widen. Because there she is, wearing a tank top and leggings, her feet bare. She leans against the door way, her arms crossed. The door behind her is open. There’s light in her room. Four steps away from her, he stops in his tracks. She’s so beautiful. He wishes her face would give away more, but she just looks at him blankly. Her poker face is perfect, he knows. During the time at the academy he once lost two grant to her. And she was bluffing back then.

“There’s a treadmill in the training room,” she says deadpan. “You should use it.”

He blushes. “Melinda.”

“Something you need?” she asks.

Oh, what the hell. He might as well come right out with it! He takes a step in her direction. “I want to kiss you and I wanted to kiss you since this morning but first you were training with Skye and then Simmons wouldn’t stop bugging me with science and then Trip made you teach him stuff and …” He takes a breath. “I’d really like to kiss you just once today.”

She smirks and he feels relief. She’s not mad, she doesn’t seem annoyed either. “You walk a rile into the floor because you want to kiss me?”

He nods. He’s an idiot, but she’s smiling and he gets close enough to touch. She uncrosses her arms and tilts her head.

“You could’ve knocked, you know?”

He pulls up his shoulders. “Didn’t want to disturb you.”

Rolling her eyes, she turns around and walks back in her room. She glances at him over her shoulder. “You coming?”

As he follows her, his grin almost splits his face in two. He closes the door behind them and she cradles his face. She’s so very close. His eyes fall shut and he enjoys being touched by her. His hands find her hips without much thought.

“How would you like to kiss me?” she asks quietly.

Preferably in every possible way, again and again and again. Oh gosh. Swallowing, he forces his eyes open and finds her looking at him. He loves her so much. He bites his lip to keep himself from saying it. She looks at his mouth and tiptoes, before she nips on his lower lip. Her lips are so much softer than his teeth. Oh gosh, he loves her.

“Like this?” she asks and does it again.

Yes. He loves her so very much. Yes.

Her tongue traces the seam of his mouth and he lets her in. He missed her taste. She’s slow and gentle. He loves that too. Still kissing him, she lets go of his face and her hands glide to his chest, where she frees him of his tie with fluid motions. Next she pushes his already unbuttoned jacket of his shoulders. He has to let go of her hips to let it fall to the ground.

“You’re mine. Please, Phil,” she whispers against his mouth. “Just tonight, you’re mine.” Her hands caress his arms.

His cock twitches. The most erotic words she has ever said to him. He’s hers. “Yes.” Yes, he’s hers. Utterly and completely hers. He loves her so much and she wants him. Maybe she could love him too, eventually. He’s in love and he’s hopeful and probably foolish too. She kisses him again and he wraps his arms around her waist to pull her against him. He deepens the kiss and she holds on to him. He’s hers. Maybe she might be his someday. It doesn’t seem impossible any longer.

She unbuttons his shirt with such grace, he barely notices until she pulls the fabric apart and runs her flat hands over his skin, from his abdomen over his chest and his shoulders. Again he has to let go off her when she strips him of his shirt. She pulls her tank top over her head and drops it as well. When he pulls her back against him, they’re skin to skin. He feels her hardened nipples pressed against his chest. He leans down and kisses her. Sweet, soft. She turns her head and kisses his cheek, his jaw, his chin, his throat. Her hands caress his upper body. She traces the lower edges of his scar with her fingertips, before she places an open mouthed kiss on the middle of his scar tissue. He hisses. She kisses the scar again and lifts her head. Their gazes connect and he has to swallow down the words again. He loves her so much. He loves how she looks at him. Tender, gentle. So he kisses her and his hope grows. She could love him, maybe.

Kissing and caressing each other, they free themselves of the remaining clothes until they’re naked in each others arms. He’s hard against her hip, when he slips a hand between her legs, he finds her wet and hot and ready for him. She moans his name, her fingertips dig into his shoulders. He loves her so much.

He hoists her up and she wraps her legs around his waist while she holds on to his shoulders. They kiss and he’s grateful that her room is cut just like his, so he has no problem finding her bed without looking. Fortunately their clothes are the only things dropped on the floor, so he doesn’t stumble with her in his arms. He sits down with her straddling him. Her right hand lets go of his shoulder to reach behind her and line his hard cock up with her pussy. She sinks onto him slowly and they both groan.

She rides him, while he runs his hands over her body. They’re making love. He won’t say it, but it’s what it feels like. She’s not ready to hear him say it yet, but maybe one day. And then he’ll be ready. Now he’s content being all wrapped up in her. She tastes fantastic. She feels fantastic. Her rhythm is almost painfully slow, he doesn’t mind. He wants this to last. Tonight, he’s hers. She comes first, gasping his name. He kisses her throat and lets go as well.

When they come down, she gets off him but pulls him further onto the bed until they lay nestled up against each other.

“Just a minute,” she mumbles, her hands don’t stop caressing him even for a moment. “Let me hold you for just a minute.”

Of course. He’s hers as long as she lets him. He’s so full of hope, but she looks sad and he doesn’t dare to ask why. Instead he kisses her again, quick, sweet. Then he leans his forehead against hers and they breathe together and touch. His eyes fall shut. Just a minute. He doesn’t want to run now. There’s a chance she’ll fall for him too, if he’ll stay. He’ll take it slow, of course. He doesn’t want to push her too far too quick, but he can be patient. There’s nowhere he’d rather be than in her arms. He’s hers.

When he opens his eyes again, he’s lying under the blanket, the sun is shining through the blinds and she’s gone. He fell asleep. Fuck. He hopes it isn’t a problem.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it feels like love again and it’s a problem

Boxing first. She has a lot of aggression to get through. A lot of frustration.

She varies the rhythm and the placements of her punches against the sand bag, she places her kicks too. It’s quarter past five in the morning and fortunately Skye is away on some hacker-mission with Trip as back up and Melinda has the training room to herself.

Her punches and kicks get harder with every round of her routine.

She woke up next to him before. They slept in the same bed on several missions. They slept in the same bed during their last mission. They slept next to each other after having sex in that hotel room, but nothing, nothing felt as good as waking up in his arms, nestled up close against him. Nothing.

It’s a problem. She loves him so much. It’s a big problem. And he’s just so kind and smart and wonderful and sometimes he doesn’t listen and he always has to be the hero and he talks too much most of the time and – She loves him. Everything about him. She loved him like that before and it was bearable, she could live with it.

Lately she’s been thinking a lot about the things she could do to make him love her. And she can’t think of one thing. There’s just nothing she can do except for becoming someone else. If she’d know how, she would. She’d give herself up and that is unacceptable. Even trying is unacceptable. Because he will leave. He will leave her, she knows. It’s just a matter of time and she can’t loose them both, him and herself. And he wouldn’t want that anyway. She knows he cares about her. She knows he likes and respects who she is as a person, it’s evident whenever he touches her. It’s just not love. He loves Audrey. And she’s nothing like her.

She kicks the sand bag a last time, before she gets herself a bottle of water from the little fridge on the left side of the room and drinks half of it.

Four nights ago, when he came to her room, pacing in front of it, she was convinced he’d break up with her. Since they started this, she always expects him to end it, she’s always anxious for it. And every day she braces herself for the pain and every day it gets worse, because he doesn’t end it, he gives her more and she loves it. So the next day she puts on a little more armor because now losing him will hurt a little more too. Every day. It’s too much. It’s too hard to take this day to day. She can’t stop thinking about a future with him, about waking up next to him every day, about being able to kiss him first, about being able to tell him she loves him. About hearing him say it back. The last time they had sex felt too much like love. How he treats her feels too much like love. She should’ve known it’ll be this good with him, she should’ve known that even if she’s just a substitute, he’ll treat her good. Like it’s serious. He’s always serious about the people around him. She loves him for that. It’s too hard.

Tai Chi is next. She knows the routine in her sleep and usually she loves it. It calms her, it brings her back to herself when she feels lost and overwhelmed. She’s feeling like that a lot lately and her routine isn’t enough anymore. She does the movements anyway.

She’s half way through, when she hears Phil enter the room behind her. He sits down on the stool next to the fridge. She doesn’t stop her routine. She wants them to be normal again. And that means ignoring him while she’s busy. But oh, it’s so hard. When she looks straight ahead like she should, she sees him from the corner of her eye.

It’s six o’clock now. The rest of the team won’t be up for maybe two more hours.

They haven’t slept with each other since then. They haven’t kissed, they haven’t touched and it hurts, but it’s okay. They talked, they worked, he rambled and she rolled her eyes. They’re them. She’s so very relieved they still can be them. She’s so grateful she doesn’t lose him completely.

“Am I disrupting you?” he asks.

She ignores that, too.

He sighs. “It was too much, wasn’t it?” he asks quietly. “I just thought … I didn’t really think about it, I just fell asleep and it won’t happen again, when we … if we …”

He swallows hard and it takes all her self restraint to keep herself from turning to him. What is he talking about?

“I’m new at this casual sex thing and I know … I don’t know … I mean, I … “ he stutters. He breaks her heart. “I’m still trying to figure out the rules and … I’m trying, I want – No.” He presses his lips together and shakes his head.

She moves her hands through the air. She wishes, he’d want her, just her. Not casual sex, not distraction, not company because he’s lonely and misses somebody else. Just her.

He pulls up his shoulders. “I thought we were doing fine and you are so … and I …” He takes a deep breath. “Are you bored with me?” he asks.

What the hell is he talking about? His ramblings never make much sense when he seeks her out during her routines but this is a wreck. Bored with him? _Bored_? She finishes her routine and turns to him, her arms hanging to her sides, her fists clenched. She’s not calm at all. She loves him so very much.

He lowers his head. “The sex, I mean … ,“ he utters, blushing.

The sex with him is fucking fantastic. But he didn’t seek her out afterwards and she’s trying to be good.

If she’d reach out, she could cradle his face. She hadn’t even noticed, she walked up to him, but there she was, right in front of him. With him sitting on the stool, they have the same height. She could easily kiss him. She wants to. She wants to have fucking fantastic sex with him.

He glances at her, their gazes connect. He looks vulnerable, open. So very insecure. “Just tell me what to do,” he says. “Because I could do better or something else or more or … “

She places her hands on his shoulder and he takes a sharp breath. He’s killing her. She loves him so much. She kisses him softly, briefly. _Bored with him_. Really? His eyes are widened when she pulls away.

“Please,” he whispers. His right hand graces her hip. Oh gosh. She can’t stop.

“Hold still,” she tells him and moves her hands down his body until she reaches his pants. He hisses when she opens them and takes out his limp cock. She watches his face as she strokes him and he turns hard in her hands. He’s so beautiful. His eyes fall shut and he gasps. Just doing this to him, turning him on, gets her hot and wet. He could never bore her. She loves him so much. He holds perfectly still. His hands grab the edges of the stool, when she sinks to her knees in front of him.

“Look at me,” she says. She waits until he opens his eyes before she takes his cock into her mouth. Oh, she loves this. She loves him. She sucks gently at the tip. She wants to tell him how much she desires him. How she loves to feel him inside her, to taste him.

“Melinda,” he hisses. Her lips curl into a smile around his cock. He’s so beautiful. She loves his restraint as well. She loves that he gives into her like this. She can’t stop. She licks over his length and strokes him.

“You like this?” she asks.

He nods quickly. She kisses the tip of his cock and licks away some precum. Delicious, just like she remembered.

“You’re not boring.” She kisses the tip. “This isn’t boring.” She takes him back in her mouth. And he holds her gaze.

She sucks him and strokes him and he whimpers her name. It’s a pleasure. She slips a hand between her legs and rubs herself through her clothes. His eyes follow the movement and his cock twitches inside her mouth.

“Oh gosh yes!” he gasps. “Touch yourself.”

His gaze is fixated on her hand between her legs. She’d like to do this to him completely naked.

“Yes,” he rasps. “like that, love.”

Love. He called her love. She takes him deeper and applies pressure to her clitoris with her thumb. This is so freaking hot. He’s so freaking hot. He could never be boring. He called her _love_. She thinks he called her that before, but she isn’t sure. Another thing she’ll lose. Her hand moves like crazy between her legs. She closes her eyes as she sucks him harder. And it’s enough to get him off. It’s enough to make them both come. She swallows his semen.

He clasps her shoulders and pulls her up. He kisses her, his hands cradle his face and she could cry.

“You are so beautiful, love,” he mumbles against her mouth. There is is again. Oh gosh. She wants it so much to have meaning.

She turns her head away and presses her hands against his chest to create some distance. “You need to stop calling me that,” she says and steps away from him. His hands grace her arms before they drop to his sides.

“Wha –?”

“Don’t call me love.”

He looks so confused, so vulnerable. His limp cock rests on his pants and she wants nothing more than to kiss him and undress him and hear him call her love, but she can’t. Because for her this isn’t casual. Love isn’t causal. How dare he call her that when he loves somebody else? - This is too much. This is killing her and all her armor is worthless. She has to go.

“Melinda, please!” He raises his hand and grazes her arm, so she steps outside his reach.

“No,” she says and shakes her head. She can’t. “Stop. You have to stop now.” She loves him so damn much. “It’s a problem.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they tell the truth.

He’s greedy when it comes to her, he knows. And it’s one sided and stupid and reckless to keep acting on it. But he loves her. And he needs her. And he only ever asked for kisses and then she gave him the rest. Still, it stays true that he’s the driving force in their interactions. He went to her in the shower. He kissed her first. The only time she took the first step, the only time she ever seduced him was on their last night in the hotel, when she took off her panties. But he hadn’t been unable to leave it to a quick fuck against the wall, no he had to ask to hold her. He asked to kiss her in the kitchen. He asked to kiss her on the bus. He kissed her in his office, angry at them both because he loves her and she just wants sex. He asked to kiss her in front of her room. He asked to give him another chance in the training room. And she did. And he blew it.

He called her love and he didn’t even realize. So fucking careless. Such an amateur. Fuck. Love. That’s what she is to him. He loves her so fucking much.

He can still feel the warmth of her mouth around his cock. When he kissed her afterwards, he tasted himself on her tongue. He should be fucking her right now, but instead he fucked up.

He fucked up so bad.

“Stop. You have to stop now,” she says and her face … She’s cold and hard and tough. He wants to reach for her again, but he’s afraid she’d pull away further.

She swallows hard. “It’s a problem,” she says. She means it, he can see. His heart races, his stomach is in knots and his cock is still exposed. It’s like a horrible nightmare and he wants to wake up. She’s going to leave. She’s turning away from him. Oh gosh, it’s over. She’s leaving and it’ll be over and he can’t breathe. And he can’t let go. Oh gosh, he just can’t.

“Please, please don’t,” he begs, his hands grab is knees painfully. “Please wait. I’m sorry. Please. I stop. No strings. Like you want. Just like you want. I can do that, I can! Just please stay.”

She lifts her head. She looks like a scared horse. She’s going to run. Oh gosh, please no.

“I can’t,” she utters and shakes her head. “I need –“ she presses her lips together.

“Tell me. I’ll do it. I’ll do anything. Just don’t leave, Please, just tell me.” Anything. Everything. Just please, please, he can’t breathe. His heart hurts. His chest hurts. Everything hurts. Oh gosh, what did he do?

He’s standing before he even realizes he moved, he has to drop his hand from empty air because again, he reached for her and again she pulled away. Oh gosh.

She takes a deep breath. Her hands are clenched to fists. She looks like she’s ready to fight him. Oh gosh, how could he be so horribly wrong?

“I need you to love me,” she mumbles.

“What?” He loves her so fucking much.

She swallows and nods. “Thought so.” When she turns away from him again, he catches her wrist. He’s got nothing to lose.

“I love you,” he gets out. “I love you so much.” Oh, please, please. He needs her.

Her eyes widen, she clenches her jaw, but she doesn’t pull away. Oh thank you, she doesn’t pull away.

“I love you so much.” He holds on to her wrist with his right and takes her hand with his left, afraid she’d run if he’d loosen his grip even for a second. “I love you. Don’t leave. I love you. Please, please stay.”

She stares at him and he swallows. His mouth is dry and blood is rushing through his ears.

“I’ll do everything,” he promises and squeezes her hand. “Whatever you want, please. Just stay. I love you.”

Her lower lip trembles. “You do?” she asks. She sounds so very doubtful.

“You didn’t want to hear it so I kept quiet, but I do. I love you.” He thought she was breaking up with him because he was too obvious too soon. But he said it now and she’s still here, holding his hand. “I love you, Melinda.”

“Me?”

“Nobody else.”

“But Audrey,” she squeaks.

“Nobody else.” He steps closer and leans into her. Oh gosh, he loves her so much! He lets go of her wrist to touch her shoulder. “Just you. Please, Melinda …”

She closes her eyes and licks her lips. “Then why did you … no strings and …”

“I want to give you what you want. You can have what you want. Please. You can have all the freedom, please just don’t leave.” She doesn’t have to feel the same, as long as she allows him to love her, he’ll be fine.

Taking a deep breath, she looks at him again. “I love you so much,” she says. Her voice trembling with emotion.

Oh gosh. He can’t breathe. He doesn’t feel any pain and he’s dizzy and his knees are weak and – Oh gosh. She loves him. It’s all over her face. Thank you, thank you! She loves him, too.

She touches his hip and leans her head against his shoulder. “Phil, I love you so very much and if you don’t want this, we need to stop.”

He wants nothing more. He cradles her face with his right hand and lifts her head so their gazes meet again.

“Melinda …”

She sighs. “If you have any doubt, just please -”

Cupping her nape, he seals her lips with a kiss. There’s no doubt. Not about this. With another sigh, she wraps her arms around his neck and sinks against him. Oh gosh, he loves her. They kiss slowly, tender. He’s no longer in a rush to anything. She loves him. Melinda May loves him and his heart is racing and he’s turning hard for her again. She’s got the sweetest lips.

“I want strings,” he says, “a relationship, everything.” He wants to move in with her. He wants to marry her. He wants all of it.

She kisses him quickly. “Yes.”

“I want you next to me tonight. I want you in my bed and I want to hold you and I want to wake up next to you.”

“Yes.” She hums. “Yes, Phil, please. I love you so much.” She rubs her hips against his and he hisses. She kisses him more passionately and her hands tear at his clothes. She rids him of his tie and his jacket and kisses him and he fights hard to keep some sense.

“We should go,” he mumbles. They’re still in the training room and the door isn’t locked. “Somewhere private. I want you.”

“Here,” she whispers against his lips. “Just please, quick, hard, I need …” Her right hand strokes his cock, once, twice. He groans. He needs her too. She loves him and he’s still desperate for her. He needs her so much. Thank heavens, she loves him. Oh gosh, she really loves him.

They undress quickly. He kisses every fresh spot of her skin he can reach and almost falls on his ass when they try to take off his pants without getting rid of his shoes first. She giggles then and he kisses her deeply. He loves her so freaking much! The only one left at the Playground is Simmons and if she’d walk in on them, she’ll just have to deal with the trauma.

Melinda pulls him down on the mats and he lays down, but after she straddles him, she rolls them both around so he’s on top of her. Oh gosh. He lands right between her spread legs, his cock brushes against her wet folds.

“Like this,” she says and kisses him. Her hands splay out on his back, holding him to her. “I want to feel your weight. I want you everywhere.” As she kisses him, she bucks her hips up and loops her right leg around his calf.

“Fuck me,” she says. Another quick kiss that leaves the taste of her. “Love me.”

And he does. With one thrust he enters her and pumps into her again and again. She keens and he can’t get enough. Not enough of fucking her, of kissing her lips, her face, her throat. He loves how her skin vibrates against his lips, whenever she keens and sighs and moans because he’s inside her. Because they’re joined. Her hands move to cup his ass and hold him to her. He hoists her leg up his waist, changing the angle of her hips and takes her harder.

“Yes!” she gasps. She clings to him. “Phil, more … please …”

He gives her everything and when she screams his name and her inner walls clench around him as she comes, he lets go too.

After they calmed down, he wants to roll off her, but she holds him in place and nuzzles his neck with her nose.

He strokes her hair, her face. She looks at him and he smiles.

“I love you,” she says. Her hands caress his back, his spine, his shoulders.

“I love you, too.” It feels so fucking good to say it. It feels so fucking good to hear her say it. He kisses the tip of her nose and her temples and her cheeks and her nose again until she giggles.

“We should get up,” she says, smiling brightly.

He kisses her again, how could he not? “Probably.”

“We should take a shower.”

Shower sex, yes. They’re really good at shower sex. “Hm.” He nibbles at her chin.

“And get breakfast.”

He looks at her. “I always wanted that!”

She laughs. “What?”

“Have breakfast with you.”

“Really?”

“Just breakfast, I’d make you waffles and we eat together and you’d smile and I would probably talk too much and -” That must sound stupid. He blushes.

“You thought about this a lot.”

He nods.

She smiles. “I’d love that.”

He gets bolder. “I also want to hold your hand,” he says quickly. “And hug you a lot. And kiss you _a lot_.” He swallows. “Is that a problem?”

She shakes her head before she pulls him down for another kiss. He gets the feeling, it might be a while until they get that shower. She loves him. And he’s greedy when it comes to her.


End file.
